It seems like it’s ingrained in us right from the beginning, try to fit in. Be unique, but only in a way that the majority will accept. Stand out, but not too far out that you are out of the “normal” circle. Be successful, but not too successful to where others might feel bad about themselves. It’s crazy! We live in a world where everyone wants us to be ourselves but only within the boundaries of what they think is “acceptable”. We are constantly being watched and judged on how we live our lives.
I want to preface this conversation by saying that as believers our boundaries are set by the word of God. What the world deems “acceptable” has no place in our lives if it contradicts what God’s word says. We are members of His eternal Kingdom, therefore we abide under His eternal word and sovereignty, and we submit to Him and Him only.
Earlier this year I unfortunately encountered just how early this toxic “fit in” behavior starts. I have a daughter who started Pre-K for the first time last year. I was amazed at how quickly the little girls started to form their opinions of one another. About halfway through the year my precious little girl came to me and said “Mommy, can you put my hair in a ponytail with a scrunchy like Jessica’s?” (Jessica is not her name, I changed it to protect her identity). I said “Sure baby, I will give it my best try” Poor girl was taking forever to grow hair! I was a little bothered by the request because I didn’t want my daughter to feel like she had to fit in. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to be like anyone else. So we talked about it, and I encouraged her on how wonderfully unique she was. That she didn’t have to do anything to be like anyone else. She was free to be herself, who God made her to be. She still wanted the ponytail. So the next school day I pulled her barely there hair up into a ponytail with a purple scrunchy, sprayed a gallon of hairspray to hold it in place, and off we went to school. That morning when we arrived at school she walked confidently down the hallway. While we waited for her teacher to open the door Jessica arrived with her mom. My daughter immediately perked up and said “Jessica look, I have a ponytail with a scrunchy in it just like you do!” Jessica shrugged her shoulders, rolled her eyes, and walked past without even acknowledging her. I was crushed. I saw my daughter's confidence completely deflate as she lowered her head and walked into her classroom for the day. I was sad that already at 4 years old she was dealing with mean girl behavior. Now I know, they are 4, don’t worry, I don’t hold it against Jessica. It just reminded me that I am raising a daughter in a cruel world that doesn’t play fair, and I would have to equip her to deal with that.
As adult women, we go through a little more than just a ponytail with a scrunchy. We are dealing with how our bodies look, the style of clothes we wear, how we style our hair, how we wear our make-up, what careers we have or don’t have, what our marriages are like, how our kids are doing, if we are in a relationship or not, do we have kids yet or not, what kind of housing do we live in, what type of car do we drive and on and on and on. And trust me there will always be a Jessica around to give her opinion on it all. We can pretend like it doesn’t bother us, and say all the good Christian things, but let’s be honest, we are human. It’s easy to let discouragement come in and take over the narrative of our lives.
I shared this in a message that I preached at The Church PHX back in May. I shared that even I was struggling with thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not creative enough. All the enough’s! The enemy was trying to come in and tell me that I was not enough, that it was never going to happen for me, whatever “it” was. I just wanted to fit in, I just wanted to be accepted, I just wanted others to look at me and say “Wow, she’s something special”. After a full meltdown with my husband, I took it to prayer. After all those initial emotions, the woman inside was
concerned that I was doing what God wanted her to do. I had to ask the hard questions, am I doing this because I want to do this, am I doing this because it’s what I think I should be doing, am I trying to fit into a world that I am not supposed to fit into? If any of that was it, I was definitely headed down the wrong path. I had to seek the Lord to make sure that my heart was aligned with His heart. To make sure that His voice was guiding me and not the voice of the enemy. And after spending some intentional time with Him this is what I heard. You are headed in the right direction, but keep your eyes on me, be who I made you to be, represent me. I will show you the way. So I shut out the voice of discouragement and kept on going. Do you know what God did? Not only did He renew my strength, but He guided me to some training to help me. Look how good God is!
Let’s look at a familiar story in the book of Exodus about Moses. In Exodus chapters 3 and 4 God speaks to Moses and instructs him to go into Egypt to deliver the Israelites. Moses argues with God, giving excuse after excuse about why he can’t go. Who will believe me? I am slow in speech, I’m not smart enough to go. I particularly love Exodus 4:13 when Moses tells God “Please send someone else”. Yeah right, like God was going to send someone else, nice try Moses. But don’t you love God? The same insecurities that we deal with today are the same things that Moses dealt with. How many times have you said to yourself “No one will care what I have to say” or “I’m not smart enough to do that God”. We probably have even asked God to send someone else. The truth is, there is no one else, only you were born to do this specific assignment for the Lord. Despite all of Moses' fears and doubts, God used him mightily, and He was with him the whole way. Moses was trying to fit in when he was born to stand out.
How about Gideon in Judges Chapters 6 and 7. When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon he responded with “if the Lord is with us, then why has all this happened to us, the Lord has abandoned us”. The Lord tells Gideon to go and deliver Israel out of the Midianites hands. Gideon replies in Judges 6:15-16 “How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family’ The LORD answered, ‘I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites, leaving none alive” God used Gideon to deliver Israel. How many times have we told God “I'm not enough”?
Then there’s the Prophet Jeremiah. God called him at a young age to be a prophet to the nation and Jeremiah replies in Jeremiah 1:6 “Alas, Sovereign LORD...I do not know how to speak; I am too young”. He told God that he was too young and God replied in Jeremiah 1:7-8 “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you”.
Over and over again God calls out ordinary people who were just trying to fit in and go about their business to do something extraordinary for Him. Think of David, the shepherd boy, minding his own business out in the field, called out to go kill Goliath. Think of Esther, the Jewish queen trying to go unnoticed in the palace, called out to save her people.
God doesn’t expect his servants to fit in. He calls them to stand out. He takes our differences, what the world calls our weakness, and uses them for His glory.
In closing I want to say to you, think about all the things that are different about you, make a list. Got it, ok, now instead of trying to cover those things up or change them, I want you to ask God how He can use them. God, how can you use the unique things about me, the oddball things, the things that might make me feel weird or like an outsider? God use all the things about me that don’t fit in to stand out for you. The world tries to make us fit it, but we were born to stand out.
Love you mucho! – PB
Catch the video blog on Youtube where Pastor Brittany shares about her journey with this topic.
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